Profanity is in the ear of the beholder

I am sure that most have heard about the Michigan man who faced criminal chargess some years ago for uttering profanities in the presence of young impressionable ears. For those unfamiliar with the case, the guy was not having a good fishing day and began very vocally expressing in “colorful” language his disgust and irritation. A mother overheard his tirade and promptly reported his behavior to the authorities. Apparently, some obscure law is on the books in that state concerning public displays of profanity and the guy has to appear before a judge.
The gentleman’s unfortunate choice of words could result in him being fined or, heaven forbid, being incarcerated. Maybe the latter would be an appropriate lesson for the rest of us to refrain from frequently using four-letter expletives.
Sadly, we have become a nation of cursers. One cannot turn on the television or the radio without being bombarded with profane and offensive speech. Recordings come with warning labels advising parental discretion due to the content of the “lyrics.” So accustomed have we become that we rarely flinch anymore.
Well, I, for one, still raise an eyebrow when I hear Bart Simpson rattle off a zinger or two. I become upset when I hear a rapper refer to his girlfriend by a term that I would only give to my dog to identify her gender.
But, the words that we collectively label as profane are not the only words that annoy me. I have a short list of words and phrases that really make me cringe as if I have been royally “blessed out.”
They are as follows:
1. racial tolerance – I tolerate my dog’s snoring because I can’t do a thing about it. I tolerate the raucous laughter of a fellow movie patron who forgets that there are others in the auditorium. Toleration should not be equated with one’s skin color; in fact, skin color should be looked at for what it really is: a beautiful variation of the gene pool.
2. Diva – It seems as though any female performer who sells a million copies of a CD or brings in big bucks at the box office is being touted by that name. Diva status should not be brandished so easily.
Aretha Franklin, Faye Dunaway, Lauren Bacall and Eartha Kitt are divas; Mariah Carey, Julia Roberts, Sandra Bullock, and Sharon Stone are not. Judy Garland was a diva; her daughter, Liza Minnelli is not. Lauren Hutton is a diva; Tyra Banks is not. And no matter how hard she tries, Madonna will never attain divahood as did Maria Callas, Marian Anderson, or Georgia’s own, the magnificent Jessye Norman.
3. Transition – It seems as though this noun has taken on the role of a verb. I have heard everyone from television commentators to national politicians incorrectly use the word. Enough is enough already! One cannot transition!
4. Dissemination – As a nation of paper pushers, we are forever “disseminating” memos, directives, forms, handouts, and other “important” documents to each other. Most of these end up in a wastebasket or provide nourishment for a hungry shredder. We are really making the stockholders of Georgia-Pacific and the Mead Company filthy rich.
5. Monica Lewinsky, Linda Tripp, Paula Jones, etc. – Yeah, yeah, yeah, the President’s women have used up your fifteen minutes and mine, too.
6. Independent counsel – Let’s see. With forty million bucks I could buy a bus for my church, a new wing for each school, a movie theater, and still have enough left over to purchase the presidency of a Third World country.
7. “Sweeps” – The television networks pull out their “best” programming efforts during the months of November, February, and May in order to maximize ratings and corporate dollars. So what? Half of the programs can’t hold a candle to an I Love Lucy or Star Trek rerun!
8. “You know what I’m saying?” – This is the latest catchall phrase that America’s youth are so fond of uttering. Unfortunately, the kids are not really saying anything when they use it. Stop buying the Tommywear and get those teens some Merriam-Webster’s!
9. Y2K – I seem to recall from childhood that the world was to have ended in 1965. I wonder if that had something to do with the British Invasion of the Beatles, the Stones, or even Herman’s Hermits.
10. Progressive lenses – I actually like the term; it sounds better than the dreaded “b-word” that it is synonymous with. The only regret that I have is that by having to wear them I realize that I have entered . . .
11.Middle age – I would really like to know when this phrase was coined. According to the statisticians I now fall into the demographic just before senior citizenship. I do not belong to the “ideal” target group prized by many of America’s leading commercial conglomerates. I was even told by the publisher of my men’s health magazine that they have a publication that is more suited for “a man of my years.”
So what? My money will still spend. I can still hold my own with the twentysomethings at the gym. Label me “middle age” and I’ll show you what I’m made of! Just let me find my glasses with the progressive lenses!


Well, there you have it! The eleven words or phrases above may not offend you as much as they do me. But say them in my presence and I may be forced to make a citizen’s arrest.
Hopefully, Georgia has some law on the books that we just don’t know about!